I get in late on the night I get home, so the next day, while she’s at work, I thought I would clean the house and mow the lawn. Then once she gets home around noon, I’ll take her and the dogs up to the mountains. We’ll go for a hike to a secluded place with a fantastic view and eat the treats I’ll have packed in my pack. I was thinking, a bottle of white wine, some strawberries and apples (maybe a little chocolate), and perhaps after we eat I’ll give her a light massage, but with no hint of it going any further. Then, after some light making out, and perhaps nibbling, I’ll take her home to get ready for the evening. While she starts her shower, I’ll feed the dogs, and then join her in the shower to wash her hair. Some more light touching, but not on the nipples or clit. Once she’s clean, she can dry off with the towel I just took out of the dryer. While I finish my shower, she’ll notice that I have left out some sexy underwear to put on under her outfit. Once we’re dressed we’ll go out to the back patio (which has an amazing view, and like I said, the weather is magnificent this time of year), there I’ll have a fire going in our outdoor fireplace, some candles lit, a nice bottle of pinot, and some bruschetta (if I can find good romas anywhere, may have to switch appetizers), followed by a spring salad with homemade vinaigrette. For dinner, I’m thinking chicken picatta. Then desert, creme brulee. Throughout the meal, I was thinking some background jazz, perhaps zydeco, after dinner, we’ll put some BB King on, and relax by the fire. While Lucille serenades us I’ll give her a thorough foot massage. Afterwards, I’ll clear the table and while I’m in the house, I’ll light some candles in the bedroom, and get set up. Massage oil, towel, soft music, etc. I’ll return with the bong and give her a small hit. Don’t want her stoned, just mellow. Then I’ll lead her to the bedroom, blindfold her, and undress her slowly, folding her clothes as I go. Then after some kissing, I’ll lay her on her stomach. I’ll begin the massage on the back of her heel and slowly work my way up until I’m massaging her head, not missing a single spot on her body. Then I’ll turn her over and start my way down. I’ll avoid the nipples and I won’t touch her pussy. I’ll work my back down to her toes. Once the massage is over (an hour or so) I’ll gently lift her legs and position them so they are bent and parted enough that her glistening honeypot just starts to part. Then I’ll slowly rub my hands down the inside of her thighs till they just brush against her outer lips. Careful to keep the contact so light she won’t be certain if it even happened. Once I see that she’s beyond glistening, and headed towards dripping, I’ll kiss her inner thighs. Lightly at first, working my way towards her soft warm pussy, and then heading back up to start the other leg. Kissing above it, and around it, then slowly, but deliberately, I’ll lick from the bottom and collect her delicious juices before they drip onto her gorgeous ass. I’ll keep my tongue out as far as possible so nothing else is in contact with her. Very slowly, I’ll lick the outside of her lips, careful to avoid any contact with her clit. Then I’ll use my tongue to part her lips and gently slide my tongue deep inside her. She can’t take more than a couple of minutes of this and she’ll be moving trying to get my tongue to touch her clit. When it finally does, her body tenses and she makes this noise that I can’t describe. Still licking gently, I’ll begin to add pressure. Then with my left thumb, I’ll apply light pressure against her perineum and rub it in small circles. With my right thumb, I’ll do the same to her u-spot. Now the whole area will be warm, wet, swollen, and aching for release. That’s when I lick my middle finger and slowly slide it inside her now incredibly hot and wet pussy. This is when her back begins to arch and she wants more pressure from my tongue while I rhythmically stroke her g-spot with my finger. You can see the orgasm building insider her like a rubberband being twisted. Her muscles are beginning to tighten so much, she doesn’t even realize her legs are now gripping my head, and toes are pointing into the bed. Then it happens, with a scream she can’t contain, she’s coming. Her back arches, every muscle in her body tenses, like she has just been tazered. I cup her ass with my hands and gently lick her still quivering pussy, until she collapses. While she lays there in utter bliss, I caress her skin so lightly it feels like electricity passing between us.

What happens next is up to her. I’ll let you know how it goes.

1.  No longer find your partner sexually attractive.

2.  Trying new things in bed.

3.  Making remarks about a partner’s physical appearance.

This sounds to me like a chicken or the egg argument. Perhaps the partner looking at porn already didn’t find the other partner attractive and that’s the reason they are looking at porn, rather than porn causing them to be dissatisfied with their partner. As for the second “sign,” when has trying something new been a bad thing? I mean, you don’t just ream the poop shoot without first discussing it (trust me on this one), but certainly there is no harm in bringing up the desire to try new things. In fact, that builds communication, which is the cornerstone of a good relationship (so I’m told), so I would argue that if porn leads to better communication, then porn is good for a relationship and therefore isn’t so much an addiction, as a self-help initiative aimed at bettering the viewers interpersonal relationships.

Making remarks about a partners physical attributes. What the hell. Spouses are supposed to be best friends. I thought the definition of a best friend, among other things, is someone who will be honest with you when nobody else will. My best friends would tell me if I was putting on weight. My best friend would tell me that I need to grab a shower, or brush my teeth. So how come if a spouse, tells his/her best friend (i.e. spouse) that he/she needs to drop a few pounds, and perhaps trim the bushes, he/she is suddenly a porn addict. Couldn’t it just be that the offended spouse might just need to drop a few pounds, and start by taking the kitty to a groomer to remove the excess fur?

Porn is nothing new, and as such, can’t suddenly be the root of all of these problems. Granted it is easier to view a lot of it, and even some things that perhaps there wasn’t a magazine for before, but that didn’t suddenly make all sorts of new sex occur. This stuff was going on before the printed word, so how can it be the source. The dildo was invented 20,000 years before the wheel for god sakes. As a species we are all about sex. Sex Sex Sex.

To the people now consumed with the thought that their partner just must be a porn addict, and that’s the reason for their relationship issues, I have this to say: Get fucking real! Your problems run far deeper than your partner’s desire to look at digital images of people doing what he/she wants to do. Don’t worry about where the blame lays, just remember, you are in this together, and together you can mend your troubles. Alone pointing blame will only lead you into my office, which is fine with me, the average divorce now costs $10,000.  Speaking of which, I should get back to work.

P.S. I hope I get the spouse who likes porn and not the prudish incompetent child too afraid to face the realities of a relationship and too lazy to accomplish the hard work that makes a life-long relationship flourish.

Earlier today I was reading a blog on here posted by a guy going by My Favorite Life. His blog got me thinking that this was a good way to vent and to say things perhaps best said anonymously. (Or at least to a therapist or attorney that is bound by confidentiality.) Perhaps I just really enjoy the sound of my own voice. Digitally speaking of course.

Where to begin? Well, since anal sex brought me to this sight, let’s start there. (First you should know a little about me.) Early thirties, married for a few years, professional. Enough said. So back to the anal sex. After being married for two years, I told my wife that I had a strong desire to have anal sex. Now I already knew that she had no interest. Like all other women of my generation (at least from the mid-west) she was taught that it was wrong and bad and blah blah. I was rebuffed. Unfortunately the desire didn’t just go away right then and there. Instead it built steadily until it started to become a problem in our relationship. One day, after months of talking about it, I was granted a small consideration. She offered to let me masturbate with the head of my penis pressed lightly against her asshole. I was so desperate at that point I gladly took her up on her offer and came hard and quick against her oh-so-sexy starfish. Now something else you should understand is that my wife suffers from a lack of libido. She doesn’t care about sex. We thought it was the anti-depressants, maybe the weed, perhaps the birth control. It wasn’t. She’s off all of those and still has very little desire. That said, she enjoys sex and is able to orgasm without a problem. She just wouldn’t care if she never got laid again. So as the weeks go on, she finds that she would rather let me cum on her ass then have sex. (She still got an orgasm each time, it was just through oral sex.) Since then, we have had anal play more than vaginal and oral sex combined. It has now been three years, and we have progressed beyond just masturbating on her ass, but not quite there yet. Yes, three years. The natural progression was to add lube to allow for less friction as I took care of myself. Then it became slight pressure on her asshole while I did it, then there was a period where we did it in the shower and on a few occasions I was allowed to push hard enough that I actually came inside her. Once after a party, we were both fairly drunk, she allowed me to go all the way. I remember it being cathartic and blissful, but since then, I have been limited to just an inch or two. That’s just part of the problem. The other is that she still prefers anal to vaginal, and I think I do too. I know, if we both prefer it, it shouldn’t be a problem. The problem is, I don’t want to prefer it. Not to brag, but my wife has a gorgeous tight little pussy that I really enjoy being inside, and her oral skill have progressed from Dud when we met, to full on Felatrix. Wow can she deepthroat. I want the order of my preferences, and my stats to have pussy at the top, oral second, and anal as the special, uber-horny treat that comes on special occasions. You know, special days like christmas, birthdays, and weekends. I’m becoming, or rather just am, addicted. When I masturbate, I think about her ass. When she offers to pleasure me, I ask for anal. When she has her choice, she offers anal. Seems like I spend most of my time two inches deep in her tight ass. I guess my complaint is that the rest of my dick would like some attention. I probably would still be bitching even if it was complete anal, and not just the teaser anal I’m getting. Plus, anal isn’t the cherry on top of a good night of sex, it is the sex act.

I want a more rounded sexual repertoire, but I don’t know how to communicate this to her without sounding unappreciative. Let me make this part clear, I’m VERY appreciative for the anal play I get. I just want to work it into a less monotonous sexual activity. How do you change a desire? I can’t imagine convincing myself that I no longer like pepperoni on pizza.

I’ll post a picture of the object of my fascination when I can edit out her tattoo for anonymities sake.  Thanks for reading.  More to follow…